What Actually Happened on September 8th 2009 at Apple HQ

Discussion in 'iPod touch' started by kalpa11, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. kalpa11

    kalpa11 Member

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    For those of you who want to know what happened the day before the keynote. PS Dont take this seriously it's only a joke.

    Steve is at the hospital having his liver transplanted.

    Steve: Hmmm can’t wait to see how the companies going…

    Back at Apple HQ 200 miles away. Phil Schiller comes into designing room.

    Phil Schiller.: Alright guys here’s the blueprints freshly printed from walgreens.
    So this one is for the Classic, and the Shuffle like a rainbow, and the Nano , and here’s the beauty the iPod Touch.

    Workers: oooh aaahh ooooah.

    Phil Schiller.: I knew it would look nice. Let’s see what Uncle Stevie has to say about this. Till then time to release some leaked pictures. YAY. I love hyping the fans.

    2 months later Steve has recovered properly and decides to come and see how the company is going.
    Steve Jobs: Alright my fellow servants bring me my babies. Let me see my beautiful darlings.

    Worker #2: Yes Sir. Right this way.

    Worker 2 leads Mr. Jobs into Secret room containing 4 prototypes and 4 final products laying upwards on a golden tray. Steve Jobs sees the front but doesn’t notice bottom side.

    Steve Jobs: Hmmmmm. Uhuh.. yes. Okay they all the same that’s good oo I see that you have made the screen bigger on the nano and the classic why the f is their touch screen on it?!?!?! Are you serious?

    Worker #2: Sorry sir we’ll discard of them right away. But what are we to sell.

    Steve Jobs: Just sell the old ones.

    Worker #2: But what will be the purpose for more people to buy it.

    Steve Jobs: Just lower the price by like 20 dollars and people will flock to the apple store.

    Worker #2: Okay sir whatever you say. But can you give us some feedback on the nano and the shuffle.

    Steve Jobs: Well they are perfect but I still didn’t get to see the Touch bring it to me.

    Worker #3 walks in with the iPod Touch 3G box which looks similar to the 1G box.

    Steve Jobs: What the f*** is this!!!??! Throw this sh*t away and put it in the 2G box I don’t give a damn about what people care its good for my wallet and that’s all I care.

    Worker #3: alright sir would you like to try it out?

    Steve Jobs: Yeah !! lemme see nao!!!

    Steve jobs beckons the workers to leave to have some alone time with his iPod Touch 3G.
    After about 3 hours he tells them to come back in. He seats the workers in Chairs and stares down at them.


    Steve Jobs: Alrighty I was just looking at the iPod Touch and someone needs to give me answers and I mean full explanations.
    First Question can someone tell me honestly how much money you had to spend on getting that matte aluminum backing.

    Worker #4: Uhhh it was actually only about 30 dollars more. Cheap huh?

    Steve Jobs: No not really in fact I want you guys to put the left over 2g backings cuz I don’t want to waste any more on these stupid ipods. (I don’t mean that)
    And one more thing,WHY THE MOTHERF***ING SHISNIT DID YOU PUT A CAMERA IN THE IPOD T0UCH???
    Do you know why we haven’t put that earlier.

    Worker #2: Why?

    Steve Jobs: BECAUSE THERE IS A FINE LINE IN BETWEEN THE IPHONE AND THE IPOD AND WE DON”T WANT TO BLUR THAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!

    Workers: YES SIR….

    Steve Jobs: Oh yeah and why’ll you are at it remove the FM radio and the built in mic to show them how ignorant we are.

    Worker #4: So should we degrade the performance as well?

    Steve Jobs: No no no.. We have to keep those or else who would buy it?

    Worker #1: And sir what shall we do with the Cameras?

    Steve Jobs: ohh those sh*tty things take stick em in the Nanos and remove the still picture feature and no one will know what hit em. And uhh where’d you come from

    Worker #1: Oh me Phil hired me back.

    Steve Jobs: oooh that bastard I gotta speak with him.

    Worker #4: And what about the space where the camera was supposed to be.

    Steve Jobs: Stick a piece of plastic in it.

    Worker #3: Soooo what’s our excuse for the so called exciting new features not showing up this year except upgraded performance.

    Steve Jobs: uummm let’s say that the iPod Touch was intended to be a gaming device only.

    Worker #1: What about ubisoft’s games and belkin’s cases they’ve already made features for the cameras.

    Worker #4: And what about Zune HD and the Creative Zii Egg won’t they get ahead in the business.

    Steve Jobs: Worker 1, who cares about them they tried and they lost and Worker 2, this is apple we are talking about not Microsoft. And we are at the top of the line. Tomorrow is gonna be great everyone will be happy.

    Steve Jobs next day at night views the stocks disappointingly as he realizes his big mistake…To be continued…


    Alright guys this was only meant to be a joke don’t take it seriously I just wanted to make it because me and my cousin would always be making fun of that day that I decided to write it. And mods I hope you don’t ban me for this because I read the rules a million times and I didn’t see any rule breaking on this post. And also I don’t hate Microsoft. All the opinions displayed on this post are not expressed from writer’s point of view and is only intended for entertainment. Have Fun!!!
  2. The Killswitch

    The Killswitch Well-Known Member

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    Adding fuel to the fire, don't you think?
  3. micro_hard

    micro_hard Active Member

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    Wow that's a long post!
  4. kalpa11

    kalpa11 Member

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    well what fire are you talking about and sorry i just had to let it out cuz it's funny
  5. The Killswitch

    The Killswitch Well-Known Member

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    By fire I mean the arguments over whether or not the camera on the ipod will exist. The argument is getting really old...

    I think there's hope for a new one, but I don't know for sure.
  6. theLorax

    theLorax Member

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    i aint reading all that, sorry.

    someone provide cliff notes.
  7. The Killswitch

    The Killswitch Well-Known Member

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    I skipped ahead to the part where his story explains what happened with the cameras. In his story, the camera/mic/FM radio were removed because it's too much like the iPhone, and Jobs orders his workers to take them out and cover it up in a lame interview with the New York Times.
  8. kalpa11

    kalpa11 Member

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    Yeah exactly what he said he pretty much wrapped it up
  9. theLorax

    theLorax Member

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    i wouldnt be surprised if thats what went down.

    drama, and exective decisions doesnt really matter so much to us. unless you own apple shares. what does matter is the results, and what product is available for us to buy.
  10. NinetyFour

    NinetyFour Active Member

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    lol i like it man, pretty funny

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