Review: Jow for the iPhone

When I was a child, my parents and relatives would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and my answer was always the same: A Mad Scientist. The idea of creating bubbly concoctions and reviving the dead has always appealed to me. Sadly, Jow has not allowed me to experience my life long dream.

The game starts up excruciatingly slow, only to present you with an illegible menu of buttons that are impossible to see or press. Once you decipher the chicken scratch, or tap “Start Game” by accident, you are immediately deposited into an outdoor laboratory with absolutely no idea what to do. I started tapping objects that seemed important, but to no avail. I then realized that my butt-chinned scientist was actually standing on what could only perceived as an invisible skateboard, so I slid him up and down. Success! Actually, it was far from success. I had hoards of granny-zombies shuffling straight towards me. Doing what any aspiring mad scientist would do, I slid a beaker full of green potion across the table.

I had no idea what this potion contained, but whatever it was, it managed to kill the undead. Being the homeless scientist that he was, my character only had three beakers at his disposal. Like a skilled bartender, I slid them across, careful to catch each one as the matronly zombies returned them.

The game has the words “Day 7″ scrawled across the top, which decreases as you progress. I can only assume that my mad scientist was more enterprising than I previously thought, and had indeed perfected time travel.

After playing the game for a couple hours, and only making it to day six, (which sounds better than it actually is… maybe that’s the reasoning behind the retrograde level system) I threw in the towel. I went back to the start menu and read some “Tips”. These didn’t help much, so I read the game’s App Store description, which finally shed some light on the game’s mechanics.

And no matter your delivered cups aren’t catched by customes or the cups returned from the customers are not recoveried will cause the amount of available cups decrease.

Maybe not. But I did discover that the glassware could be slid at three different speeds, which affects how much of a tip the zombies leave. This money can be used to buy extras, such as an additional beaker or a new character. The downside is that these extras cost a minimum of ten thousand Rupees – which would take more time to acquire than I was willing to spend.

The game is extremely repetitive and for two dollars I would not recommend it. But for those of you with a hankering to kill zombies with nothing but Kool-Aid, the App Store link is below.


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