[How To] Totally Score with the iPhone 4: A Short Story

Celebrating the release of the new iPhone with your Wii bowling team, you go to a bar to field test Cupertino’s newest device. You sit down at the bar with your iPhone 4, and the cute girl next to you slowly reaches into her purse and pulls out hers. Yours is black – hers is white. Ying and Yang.

Being the socially awkward geek that you are, you fumble to make a compete sentence – but words are not needed. She slides across her business card, and you slyly snap a picture of it with your 5 megapixel camera using the Business Card Reader by Shape Services. Her phone number is safely added to your address book without a digit out of place.

“Barman,” you say, “I’ll have an Appletini.” smiling to yourself at the clever choice. You hold up two fingers, and point to the lady. You’ve never ordered an alcoholic beverage before, but because of the Cocktail Recipes app by Webworks, you’re now an expert.

After a few drinks, you’re now tipsy enough to make your moves, but not without your trusty PickUpLines app. You scooch your stool over to the girl, and whisper the boldest line you can find into her ear.

“I have a three-axis gyroscope.”

Your eyes lock, and you take her back to your car. You remotely start your Volkswagen Camper with the Viper SmartStart app, and drive back to your house. As you’re driving, you use the Navigon Mobile Navigator app with turn-by-turn directions to find your way back safe and sound, along with Trapster to avoid the police.

As you’re both laying on the front yard, you look up at the sky and use the Starmap Pro app to point out all the constellations that you have long-since forgotten from elementary school; using the built in compass and GPS to accurately pinpoint your location.

You then run the iHeart Love Compatibility Match Calculator to make sure you are truly meant to be, and email the results to your mother. You lean over to kiss her, then quietly install the Panic Button.

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